Download A Curmudgeon's Garden of Love by Jon Winokur PDF

By Jon Winokur

A compilation of grouchy and hilarious quips and quotations which can make a fascinating bedside significant other for an individual who has suffered the discomfiture of being in or out of affection. Such outspoken iconoclasts as Sigmund Freud and Woody Allen are quoted on issues reminiscent of relationship and marriage.

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His main concern at the moment, in fact, was that, if Digger Enterprises moved to London, his dad would be left behind to run the B&B alone, a thought he could hardly bear. One of the ingenious features of Digger, much remarked upon by adult observers of the game, was that the player sometimes dug up stuff that looked like 38 ••• t h e ly n n e t r u s s t r e a s u ry gold, only to find that it stuck to his hands and afflicted him with debilitating pain and anguish. Gordon’s classical education was not extensive, but he knew about the Midas touch, and had also been horrified as a child by the story of Hercules and the shirt of Nessus, so he had simply put the two ideas together.

I am surprised anyone agrees to be interviewed by you. Do you know you make all the sheds sound the same? Why does a magazine of such evident quality continue to employ you? Stay out of sheds and do us a favour. G. S. Someone ought to lock you in a shed and throw away the key. ’ asked Makepeace. ‘Bugger,’ said Osborne. Lillian lit a cigarette, narrowing her eyes against the smoke, and looked round to check that no one was watching. Coughing, she leaned back and continued to ignore the ringing of the phone.

Mother was a liability—mischievous, hurtful and addicted to practical jokes. Underneath the sink Michelle found an invoice, too: evidently Mother’s latest consignment from her favourite mail-order novelty company included a new severed hand which had not yet come to light. She sat back on her heels for a moment and, without undue self-pity, considered what she had to put up with. The irony was unbearable. Here she was, possibly the only person in the world who knew the difference between ‘forbear’ and ‘forebear’, and she was also the only person of her acquaintance who was consistently obliged to put both words together in the same sentence.

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